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Choose two of the selections included in the Memoir section of NextText Chapter Two (pages 154-171). Discuss/describe the relationships that are being portrayed in each memoir and compare how the two authors approach the idea of "family" - what does it mean to them? How is this meaning demonstrated?
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In “Grandmothers,” Ruth Reichl describes her childhood relationship with her Aunt Birdie and the elderly Alice. Aunt Birdie (actually the former mother-in-law of the author’s father) is portrayed as a friendly senior citizen who takes a strong interest in spending time with the young Reichl. Similarly, Alice is not of any blood relation; she is Aunt Birdie’s cook, and allows the young girl to assist in the kitchen on her visits. Reichl does not share any absolute familial connection with either of these women, yet she considers them to be beloved parts of her childhood. The author does not use the idea of family as a strict definition for a blood-related group. Instead, the people she cared about and spent endearing moments with are those she considers important.
Raymond Carver describes his troubled relationship with his father in “Where He Was: Memories of My Father.” The author’s father, also named Raymond, is repeatedly depicted as an alcoholic who frequently cheats on his wife. He also goes on to develop serious psychological issues and becomes absent for most of Carver’s later life. Despite this, the author still retains fond memories of his father. He particularly notes the fishing trips they frequently took in his youth as highlights. The true emotional attachment that the two shared is most prevalent after the senior Carver’s death. The author laments his father’s passing, as do several others present. Carver ultimately loved his father, regardless of the obstacles they faced. This emotional attachment defined the author’s notion of family in spite of the various hardships both men faced.
Everyone has a favorite family memory or story. In “Grandmothers” by Ruth Reichi and “Where He Was: Memories of My Father” by Raymond Carver, family stories are retold.
In “Grandmother,” Reichi tells her story of having three grandmothers and none of which could cook. Technically she had two real grandmothers and the third one wasn’t even related to her but she was closest with her. Her third grandmother, Aunt Birdie, was Reichi’s father’s first wife’s mother who had volunteered to be a grandmother to Reichi. They would spend time with each other about once a week. Reichi’s said Aunt Birdie wouldn’t cook because she had Alice, the only thing she ever made was potato salad.
In “Where He Was: Memories of My Father,” Raymond Carver tells the story of his father and how he tried to find himself through his father. They faced harsh times when they did not have a car, or being the only family in town that still had outdoor plumbing. Yet they managed to stay together and make the best out of it. Carver’s father worked very hard all his life, trying to better his families life. He moved from state to state, changing several jobs to make enough money for his family. His mother stayed by his side and never complained. Carver’s father was a drinker and would drink and get sick, but still his mother would stay by his side, even when she another woman’s lipstick and handkerchief in the car. They were by each others side like families should be.
Ruth Reichi and Raymond Carver have different approaches to the meaning of family. Reichi’s story is about someone who is not even related to her, but she still considers family. Carver’s story is about his own immediate family, his parents and him. Both author’s are proud of their families, whether blood or not.
In "Grandmothers" by Ruth Reichl there were two relationships that the author mostly wrote about. One was Aunt Birdie and the other was Alice. When the author explained her relationship with aunt Birdie she didn't make it sound exciting. It was like hearing about some grandmother who the author wasn't very close too. To me it seemed like the author was confused why Aunt Birdie was so interested in her. But when the author wrote about Alice who wasn't at all related to her, she sounded very excited and very close to the woman. It seemed like she looked up to Alice and was more happy to be with her then with Aunt Birdie. In this memoir it seemed like the idea of family to this author was someone who she looked up to and felt connected to even if they weren't related. This really shows when she started writing about Alice and the good time she had whenever she was with the woman.
In "Casa: A Partial Remembrance of Puerto Rican Childhood" by Judith Cofer the main relationship was between the author (as a little girl) and her mother as well as the women of the family. The idea of family to the author was a group of women who were very close together and had their quiet/story time in the afternoons. The one person who the author seemed the closest to was her mother. A matriarch of the group she had a lot of history, was very hardworking, and always taught the author and the rest of the women something important. The author always looked up to her and took in whatever was told to her which was the truth. This relationship is really shown when the author writes about how much she loved the storytelling hours and when the house belong to only the women. and the way she described her mother.
In the short stories "Where he Was: Memories of My Father" by Raymond Carver, the author explains the many troubles of his father and how they impacted his family life and shaped his own definition of "family". To Carver, Family means those who are with you while you live with them. The ones who take care of you and belong to the family unit. Carver demonstrates this by saying within his short story, "After my dad had moved us to Yakima, he moved his folks into the same neighborhood. By the mid 1940's, the rest of my dad's family - his brother, his sister and her husband, as well as uncles cousins, nephews and most of their extended family and friends - had come out from Arkansas."
Within the next short stories such as "Grandmothers" by Ruth Reichl and "Casa: A Partial Remembrance of a Puerto Rican Childhood" by Judith Ortiz Cofer, each author demonstrates their concept of family as a group that shares moments together and are connected by a natural kinship. An example of this would be the short excerpt, "It was on these rockers that my mother, her sisters, and my grandmother sat on these afternoons of my childhood to tell their stories, teaching each other, and my cousin and me, what it was like to be a woman, more specifically, a Puerto Rican woman." This meaning of family is also demonstrated through the sharing of stories, "They told real-life stories though, as i later learned, embellishing them with a little or a lot of dramatic detail." It is this shared experience that connects people together as a family unit and brings people closer to one another.
In “Grandmothers” by Ruth Reichl, the author writes about having three grandmothers, her mother’s mother, her father’s mother, and her father’s firsts wife’s mother. This third grandmother was Aunt Birdie, who was not blood related to her but was still considered family. The author describes how Aunt Birdie would stop by once every week to pick her up from school and take her to eat ice cream. Once she would get there, she would help Alice, Aunt Birdie’s friend, cook apple dumplings. The author considered both of these women as part f the family even though they were not blood related to her. She considered family people who love her and take care of her, not just those who are blood related to her. This is seen in this story because even though the author’s mother was not accepting, her father was by appreciating everything she did for their family. In Casa: A Partial Remembrance of a Puerto Rican Family, the author describes how she and the older women in her family would gather around in the afternoon and drink coffee and tell stories. The author in this story considers her family to be all those blood related to her. This is demonstrated in the story when she describes how all of the women, her mother, aunts, girl cousins and grandmother would gather in the living room and tell stories of important matters. The author admired her Mama because of her strong character that demanded attention and her power of storytelling.
In “Grandmothers” by Ruth Rechl she talks about two of her grandmothers and the connection she developed with them. Although one of them is not even blood related to Rechl, Aunt Birdie, she still see’s her as a grandmother. Aunt Birdie is an old woman that is well liked by all of Rechl’s young school friends. She is the mother-in-law of Rechls’ fathers’ first wife. She desperately wanted to be a grandmother and found a granddaughter in the newborn Rechl. Alice is another grandmother of Rechl that is not blood related; in fact she is the cook of Aunt Birdie. She develops a connection with Rechl by allowing her to assist with the cooking when she visits. In “Where He Was: Memories of My Father” by Raymond Carver the father in the story, Raymond, is said to be an alcoholic that hasn’t been there for most of his son’s life and cheated on his wife several times. Due to his alcoholism and mental problems he remains absent for most of his son’s life. After growing up mostly without his father he can still look back and remember the good times that they spent together on fishing trips. In “Grandmothers” a family bond is developed through life experiences with people that genuinely care about each other. On the other hand Raymond Carvers story depicts a connection that is kept solely due to memories and that fact that they are blood related and always with be. The authors approached the idea of family differently but both expressed the idea in a way that I would agree with.
In both stories, “Grandmother” by Ruth Reichl and “Casa: A partial remembrance of a Puerto Rican Childhood” by Judith Ortiz Cofer, the authors describe their childhood. It seems that the strongest memories of their childhood are connected with their grandmothers. In the first story we can see warm and loving relationships between the author and her grandmother. This feeling of coziness, stability and comfort the grandmother gave her was rewarded by the girl’s love. For Ruth Reichl the idea of "family" means, first of all, love and respect between her and the people she loves. As a child helping Alice to cook left a big impression on her. I believe that the ability to cook plays a big role in the author’s understanding of family.
In the second story “Casa: A partial remembrance of a Puerto Rican Childhood” the author describes the atmosphere within her family when she was a young girl. The grandmother (Mama) was the most powerful person in her family. The author grew up on the stories about Puerto Rican women, which were told in her family for generations. Later the author would express this in her poetry. Relationships between members of her family weren’t genuine or warm. It was more like a privileged society, which was really difficult to get into. However, once she got in, hidden secrets of female generation of her family were revealed to her.
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